By Nicolle Kopping-Pavars

Stacey and Jeff are recently separated and they are poised for a major court battle. Emotionally and financially, neither are seeing eye-to-eye, particularly Jeff who did not want to get separated and is not quite ready to accept that the marriage is over. They are both anxious about the future and Jeff’s friends have been telling him that he must be prepared to fight as he is about to lose everything. One friend went so far as to say “Jeff, we need to live with our mistakes, except that my mistake now owns the house and I’m not allowed within 500 feet of the driveway”.

What Jeff and Stacey haven’t realised, is that there are ways to divorce without becoming enemies. Collaborative Family Law (CFL) has changed the way people are divorcing.

In the collaborative process, feuding positions are no longer important, each party recognises the others’ underlying concerns and interests and they work together to formulate an agreement that supports their changed family structure.

Respect and integrity are at the heart of the process and CFL lawyers are specially trained to approach separation and divorce from a compassionate and co-operative angle.

The CFL lawyers meet together with the separated spouses in four way sessions to define and negotiate all the issues in a respectful and controlled environment.

The process on average takes six months, instead of dragging participants through the courts, which can take years and can drain one financially. It does however demand compromise on the part of both parties, as well as openness and honesty in order to achieve, and reach, what is often a creative settlement outside of the more narrow constraints of the law.

So How Does it Work?

• Both lawyers and clients sign a participation agreement that outlines their respective responsibilities.
• Most significant from the lawyers’ perspective is that, if the process does not lead to a resolution, they cannot represent their clients in any future court proceedings.
• This restriction allows the lawyers to direct their energy towards achieving resolution.
• Everyone is focused on creating a fair and long-lasting agreement.

The process

• The process consists of a series of “four-way meetings” in which the participants work together to define the issues and understand each other’s perspective, all in an effort to achieve resolution in a civilized and respectful way.
• An agenda is set for each meeting in advance, so that everyone is clear on what issues will be discussed during any given meeting.
• The lawyers’ role is to assist, while at the same time, to ensure that their client understands his or her entitlements and obligations.

Collaborative family law addresses the whole picture that is involved in divorce as it recognizes that divorce is more than a legal procedure or event. It is also a time of intense distress and is challenging for the parties especially for the children. Many financial issues are involved, which are often complex and because the CFL approach addresses the whole picture, it helps parties achieve a more complete, enriching, and long-term resolution emphasising what is important to them and their children.

Collaborative Family Law allows people greater creativity and less shame in the process of reconstituting their families and getting on with their lives.

What about costs?

If you must divorce, what would it be worth to you to have a superior resolution process that is fair and rewarding? Experience shows that collaborative family law cases are substantially less expensive than cases that are taken to court. At the same time, collaborative divorce is almost always more satisfactory and productive for the participants.

Costs will vary depending upon the difficulty of the matter, but one thing is certain: no funds will be spent on waging war. In collaborative family law, parties are assured of getting the assistance they need to succeed, while avoiding costs associated with non-productive fighting. The money spent on the collaborative process is a wise investment for a better future for the parties and for their children.

YOUR DIVORCE TEAM

CFL is inter disciplinary, which means that professional support systems are put in place to assist the family, by working closely with other collaboratively trained professionals such as divorce coaches, mental health professionals, therapists, financial advisers or business valuators.

Divorce is often a challenging and hurtful process however by applying the CFL tools, couples are afforded an opportunity to focus on their real interests which ultimately leaves them with a feeling of tremendous freedom and release.

CFL process provides parties with the assistance they need to succeed, while avoiding the expense of non-productive fighting. The money spent on the collaborative process is a wise investment providing a foundation for a better future.

You can learn more about Nicolle Kopping-Pavars practice by visiting her website at www.NKPLaw.ca

Divorced dating is something you must be absolutely sure you are ready for before you begin. Before you start looking for a date, you must first decide what you want. Are you looking to get into another serious relationship, or do you just want a casual connection? On a first date, it is necessary to let the person you are out with know your intentions. This will prevent mixed signals or giving them the wrong idea altogether. Honesty is always the best policy. There are many seeking only the dating experience and also many who want security in a serious relationship; possibly leading to a steady date or even marriage.

Let the person you are out with know that you are divorced. Divorced dating can be a strange, or even intimidating situation to be in. If you have children, you should prepare them before you enter back into the dating world. It may be easier for them to see mom/dad with someone else if they know what to expect. Children naturally want “mom and dad” to get back together. One needs to consider these feelings in the children and explain that it is probably not going to happen.

Divorced dating does not mean you have to date another divorcee, although it can be an interesting thing to have in common. You have to be prepared for bad dates, because they are almost inevitable. The experience of being married will be an advantage that allows you to know exactly what you want or don’t want in a new partner. There is someone out there for everyone; it just may take a while to find the right person. Don’t let it be discouraging; take it all with a grain of salt. Move slowly until you feel more and more confidence building up inside of you.

About the Author
For more information on Dating, please visit Dating Information Site for more information on dating online and offline. Also see the other site at http://about-dating-info.info/

Article source:
Divorced Dating Getting Back Into the Scene

All these complications arise when the parties are unwilling to negotiate due to bitterness and anger the parties have towards each other. There does not seem to be a mutual agreement that the couple can come across wherein both of them will be satisfied with the outcome of the divorce. Sometimes the case itself is so demanding that it does not permit the couple from coming together at a common settlement. Such will be its legal proceedings.

However, if and when the parties are ready to negotiate with the legal proceedings, they don’t have to suffer a painful process in the divorce. There is a less painful and less expensive option to the court proceedings. And this alternative is called divorce mediation and is a more civil and less emotional process to reach a divorce settlement.

In divorce mediation, both the parties undergo a legal process, like all other divorce cases. However, the difference here is that there is a trained and impartial third party who offers his or her services in the form of advice and assistance so that they can help the couple reach a mutual understanding. This does not mean that the two parties forsake the services of their divorce lawyers. They still do need the help of their respective lawyers through whom they are informed of all the specific legal procedures. This way there is no chance of any misunderstanding occurring; and with this, there is a better chance of reaching a mutual agreement with the help of mediation. Divorce mediation is actually a better choice for a couple seeking divorce as the stress and the cost that is involved in legal battles are avoided by the couple.

There is also proof that couples who go through the divorce procedure with a more ‘friendly’ and civil mode of mediation are usually more satisfied with the agreements that they reach. They reach a compromise earlier because the third party clears any doubts the two parties may have to reaching a mutual agreement. Another and the greatest benefit of divorce mediation is that it minimizes the trauma the children have to endure when parents decide to go their different ways.

So it can be seen that with divorce mediation, a divorce need not be more painful than it has to be, and there is no need of it being expensive either. This is because this is a more civil, less painful and more practical mode to reach a divorce settlement.

About the Author
For more info on divorce mediation and getting divorced, please visit our website. Divorce Mediation | Getting Divorced

Article source:
Divorce Mediation – The Less Painful Way

What are these signs?

1.A relationship that is characterized by numerous arguments and conflicts that are disruptive to the emotional status of family members

2.A relationship which is saturated with strain, bitterness and tension just below the surface

3.When the talk of separation causes fear and anxiety in family members which significantly degrades the quality of daily life

4.The childrens uncertainty and worry about which ones will remain in the family home and which ones will re-locate

5. Children experiencing excessive stress, agitation, acting-out or conflict about being separated from a parent or sibling

6. Parents who should be separated but are still living under the same roof because of logistical or financial problems, thus causing increased coldness and estrangement in the home

7. Conflicts, arguments and frustration caused by a seriously compromised lifestyle engendered by financial stress caused by the expense of operating two households

8. Symptoms of acting-out, depression, anxiety, fear, rage, substance abuse or poor school performance in family members

9. Anger, bitterness, arguments and frustration caused by having to accommodate new step-parents, step-children or step-siblings

10. Child management and discipline problems that result from single parenting or lack of cooperation from the ex-spouse

11. Children that appear to be experiencing some guilt or anxiety for the marital failure

If you experience any of these issues, you can benefit from counseling. But if you begin, what can your counseling accomplish? How will it benefit you?

1.You will learn how to nurture your kids and reassure them that they are still loved and not responsible for the marital discord.

2.You will learn to develop flexible living arrangements that meet your kids needs.

3.If you and your partner are still living together, practical and clear guidelines will be set-up to keep the situation from getting more toxic.

4.You will discover how to integrate new additions to the family resulting from remarriage or cohabitation.

5.You will develop a plan for cooperative parenting that keeps you and your former spouse on the same page so conflicts can be minimized.

6.Your children will learn to accept the break-up as independent from anything they have ever said or done.

7.Your therapist may prescribe daily affirmations or motivating thoughts so that your subconscious mind really believes that you do not have to worry about the separation. When your subconscious believes it, your everyday mind will follow and the anxiety will disappear

10.The therapist may prescribe some articles or books for you to read about surviving divorce and ask that you select relevant concepts to discuss in your counseling session.

11.Your therapist will likely help you to develop an awareness of your fear of independence triggers and constructive ways to manage them.

12.You may be asked to write about how your unsatisfactory marriage contributed to your anxieties and those of your family members and how your divorced state may enhance your emotional recovery and that of your children.

13.Your therapist will assist you in developing insight into any personal or career changes that may be needed in order to maximize the success of your newly separated living situation.

15.You may be encouraged to increase your awareness of how your upbringing may have affected the way you behave in relationships. Often a traumatic past may linger or even lurk into your present, thereby encouraging a pattern of dysfunctional relationships.

16.In helping you to manage a traumatic past, your therapist may help you identify the role you played in your family of origin, the feelings associated with it and the way it may impact your current or future relationships.

17.The therapist may help you to identify self-defeating patterns relevant to the way you operate in relationships and suggest ways of modifying them so they are not repeated.

18.You will identify sources of ongoing support and reassurance to help you in effectively curtailing and managing your anxiety about starting anew.

About the Author
Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He’s an expert marriage counselor and psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt or learn more about counseling at: http://www.nextdayappointment.com

Article source:
So You’re Going through a Divorce! Should You Get Counseling?

The marriage is not over until a judge gives you a divorce order at the end of the process.

Before you begin divorce proceedings, you may wish to consider whether marriage counseling could help you and your spouse.Once you have started formal divorce proceedings, you may stop the process at any time if you and your spouse wish to think about reconciling.

Do I need a reason to get a divorce?

To get a divorce, you will have to show that your marriage has broken down. The law says marriage breakdown has occurred if:

• you and your spouse have lived separate and apart for one year with the idea that your marriage is over; or
• your spouse has committed adultery and you have not forgiven your spouse; or
• your spouse has been physically or mentally cruel to you, making it unbearable to continue living together. Cruelty may include acts of physical violence and those causing severe mental anguish.

You can get a divorce if one of these situations applies to you.

Over 80 percent of divorces in Canada are based on one-year separations.

Do I have to prove that my spouse is responsible for our marriage breakdown?

Under the Divorce Act, you do not need to prove that your spouse was at fault in order to get a divorce. If the reason you are asking for a divorce is marriage breakdown, shown by one year of living apart, either of you can request a divorce. It does not matter which one of you decided to leave. In fact, the law gives you the choice of applying to the court together to ask for a divorce.

However, if the reason you are asking for a divorce is marriage breakdown because of adultery or mental or physical cruelty, you will have to have proof of what happened.

How do I start a divorce application?

It is always advisable when starting a divorce application to speak to a lawyer knowledgeable about family law. A lawyer can tell you exactly how the law applies to your situation and how to protect your rights. You can then decide what to do.

1. To start a divorce application, you fill out the appropriate forms for your province or territory. If you have a lawyer, he or she will fill out the forms for you and will be responsible for processing the divorce. You may obtain forms at government bookstores, some pri­vate bookstores and, in some cases, from the Internet. In some jurisdictions, court offices and information centers provide forms.
2. There are a few things in particular that you have to include in the forms. If there is a child of the mar­riage, you need to write down the parenting arrangements, including financial support. If these arrange­ments are in dispute, you will need to describe the arrangements that you are seeking.
3. Once you have completed all the forms, you file them at the court­house, pay the required court fees, and follow the court rules and procedures for your province or territory.

What if I apply for a divorce and then try to live with my spouse again?

Before or after you have applied for a divorce on the ground of one-year separation, you can live together for up to 90 days for the purposes of reconciliation. If things don’t work out, you can continue your action for a divorce as if you had not spent this time together.

What happens if my spouse and I agree on all the issues raised by the divorce?

If you and your spouse agree on all issues, you have an uncontested divorce.

In most provinces and territories, court officials process uncontested divorces and you do not have to appear in court.

What happens if we can’t agree?

If you and your spouse cannot agree on one or more terms of the divorce, such as the parenting arrangements for your child, child support, or spousal support, you have a contested divorce. You and your spouse must both submit court documents about the issues you can’t agree on. The provincial or territorial court rules set out the steps you must take to resolve or clarify the issues before a trial takes place. These steps often take a considerable amount of time.

Once all of the steps have been completed, your case will be set down for trial. During the trial, you will explain your case to the judge. You may also bring witnesses to help you to prove your case. The judge will make a final decision about the issues you and your spouse cannot agree on. At any time during the divorce proceedings and even after you submit the court documents, you can still try to reach an agreement with your spouse on these issues, and negotiate further with the help of lawyers or you can work with a mediator.

About 90 percent of cases are settled before trial. However, there are often months of negotiations and many low moments before settlement.

The last step of the process is for a judge to review all of the information you have submitted, either on your application form or in the trial, to make sure you have met all the legal requirements for a divorce. The judge grants the divorce and sets out his or her decision on any issues that need to be resolved in a divorce judgment. This judgment normally becomes final 31 days after the judge signs it. Once the judgment is final, you can apply for a Certificate of Divorce.

A Certificate of Divorce is legal proof that you are no longer married.

What if I have issues that can’t wait?

When you apply for a divorce, you may request that a judge deal with certain issues right away.

These issues include short-term parenting arrangements for your child, child support and spousal support. The judge issues an interim or temporary order that stays in place until the judge varies it or makes a final order at trial.

• by themselves (the dining room table option);
• using a mediator with consulting attorneys;
• retaining attorneys who practice collaborative family law;
• hiring attorneys to negotiate or litigate.

For mediation to work, each spouse must be able to rely on the other to be honest and forthcoming with all financial information. The spouses negotiate for themselves in the mediation sessions, with the help of the neutral mediator.

The collaborative process combines the problem-solving focus of mediation with the attorney advocacy of traditional representation. Husband and Wife and both of their attorneys agree to ground rules for the negotiation of a settlement, those rules being based upon mutual respect, honesty, and the belief that the collaborative process will help the parties create the best settlement, long term, for themselves and their family. The collaborative attorneys withdraw and disqualify themselves and their firms from representing the couple in adversarial proceedings if the collaborative process should break down (and it rarely does). There is built in protection because the attorneys are ethically and legally bound to ensure that there is full, honest disclosure as required by the law.

Collaborative Law presents a unique opportunity for divorcing couples to resolve their family situation with dignity, privacy and with competent and accurate legal advice from professionals, trained and licensed to practice law. The potential for positive growth and change is present in this process with the collaborative attorneys modeling for their clients constructive, cooperative problem-solving at the same time that they offer advocacy and support at the negotiation sessions.

Mediation is not significantly less expensive than collaborative law if we are working with similar couples – if we compare top notch mediation aided by consulting attorneys to top notch collaborative law with the advocacy of counsel built in, the cost is comparable. For couples with a higher level of conflict or more complicated issues (more appropriate for collaborative law than mediation), the cost would likely be higher.

There is a place and a definite need for traditional legal representation. It may well be the only way to protect a client when one spouse is impaired (mentally unbalanced, abusive, destructive), is intent on hiding assets, or refuses to participate in an alternate dispute resolution model.

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